DarkLordOfOptics
Politics • Science & Tech • Sports
If I could have only one... Rifle Package
Wrapping up with 2023
December 11, 2023

End of the year means that I start massaging my "only one" mental exercise from a vaiety of different angles and see if the answer changes.  In many ways, that's a good way to test the robustness of your conclusions: approach the problem from several different sides and see if you come up with something different every time or converge on a common solution.

This one, of course, really depends on how I set up the boundary conditions.  For example, if we imagine a situation where the government goes nuts on us and all semi-auto rifles have been outlawed (kinda like the situation our esteemed turnip-in-chief Mr Biden keeps on theorizing), my perennial favourite, a 6.5Grendel AR-15, is not an option.  For the time being, let's assume I can have my ARs.

'l'll theorize a different situation where the government is planning to institute a limit on how many firearms you can have.  That makes it slightly less restrictive and makes me really think about the things I do with guns: I enjoy shooting long range, hunting, plinking, tactical-ish drills, etc.  Not really much of a shotgunner, so to me a shotgun is just a powerful close range rifle.  It does make you consider carefully what you are looking to get out of every firearm.

Every year, I wonder if I should make an effort to stick to just one gun for at least six months.  I bet, I'd be a much better shot at the end of those six months.  Unfortunately, I like messing with different gear a little too much.

If I were forced to have only one gun, it would still be a 6.5Grendel AR-15.  I can do almost anything I want with it in a pinch.  For some hunting, I would have to really be cognizant of keeping disstances moderate, of course, but it is as close as I am going to get to a "do all" rifle.  6ARC and 6.8SPC can do a lot of the same as well, but I still think that Grendel is the better balance of across the boad performance.  Last year, I theorized that a modern "small large frame" AR chambered for 8.6Blackout could supplant the Grendel and I still think it might.   However, a lot there depends on how the whole pistol brace situation works out in the end.  At the moment, it looks like it is leaning our way, but who knows.  I do not want to SBR anything, so if pistol braces remain legal, I will put together an 8.6Blackout semiauto with a 12" barrel to test that concept.  I have a couple of 8.6 suppressors on backorder, so hopefully one of them will make it here as well.  A 12" barrel with a suppressor makes for a pretty handy package.  Since 8.6 does well in both subsonic and supersonic guises, it might be a true home defense to hunting to plinking rifle.  Not sure how good of a precision rifle it would make, but maybe I'll get luck with that as well.  In terms of long range accuracy with supersonics, 8.6 is less flat than 6.5Grendel, but I am willing to give that up because it does offer more pop for hunting within 400-500 yards and because I like the subsonic capability.  If pistol braces go the way of the dodo, I might pin and weld a suppressor on to the barrel make it a one stamp gun.

The tradeoff between semi-auto 6.5Grendel and 8.6 Blackout is interesting at its core.  If subsonic shooting is important, the Blackout is clearly the way to go.  If hunting is the most important thing, 8.6 also has an edge.  Aside from a faster twist, 8.6 launches a 200gr bullet at 2100fps.  6.5Grendel launches a 123gr bullete at 2500fps.  Grendel is definitely a better plinking round and long range round.  I have hunted with the Grendel and it has done well for me.  In practical terms, it has over 1000ft-lbs of energy within 325 yads which is plenty for my purposes.  My choisen 8.6Blackout load stays above 1000ft-lbs within 625 yards, so it is definitely a more powerful round.

Still, until I build and test such an 8.6 rifle, I am sticking with the Grendel.  As I get older and get more involved with hunting I find myself leaning ever more strongly toward guns that are lightweight, easy to move around and do not beat me up too much.  I have a couple of 6.5Grendel ARs, but neither of them folds down.  They are pleasant to shoot, accurate and reliable.  If I were starting this from scratch, I'd be gettins one from FoldAR.  I have a FoldAR 5.56 and in terms of packaging it up for transportation, it is a markedly easier thing to do.  It also ends up pretty incospicuous.

The optic for it would probably have to be the new March 1.5-15x42 https://bit.ly/4acN2at because I need lower magnification for use with thermals (I like pig hunting).  I'll confirm that when March with the updated reticle gets here next week.  My perenial favourite, Tangent Theta TT315M https://bit.ly/41dz6c8 works with clip-ons in a pinch on 3x, but it is not ideal.  It is also notably longer than the March.  Tangent is better optically, especially on higher power.  The way my mind seems to work, I lean toward shorter scopes on semi-autos.  For a boltgun, Tangent is absolutely my choice.   For a semi-auto, for a while I ran a Tangent with an offset RDS on my 6.5Grendel.  There is very little that could not be done with that gun.  With offset red dots, the options are innumerable.  Ultimately, I would be leaning toward a compact enclosed model.  There are a few out there and more are about to come out.  Aimpoint ACRO is probably the best known option.  Upcoming Shield AMS might be the most compact.  Holosun makes a few similar variants.  I think I'll just go with Shield SIS that I already have and that I have used with the Tangent in the past.  Do note that I have not yet laid eyes on Trijicon's new RCR.  On a high end build, ACRO would not be out of place, overpriced and all. https://bit.ly/46Sxbej

Personally, I somewhat lean toward red dot sights that have some sort of an autoadjust mode, which is really th eonly reason I do not own an ACRO.  It is a personal choice of course. 

One of the more interesting questions to consider will be whether March's performance on 1.5x is good enough to not necessitate an RDS.  I messed with it a little when I had it and thought the performance was encouraging.  I'll revisit it.  I'd still have some sort of an auxiliary sightign system on there regardless, but it might be irons if 1.5x performance is good with the new reticle.

Now that I think of it, going with FoldAR is really a money saving choice.  If I build from scratch the way I want it (Proof Barrel, Q trigger, etc), it will end up a more expensive gun.  I have one similar build and when I add up all the components, it is around $3k, plus scope, plus RDS, plus thermal clip-on, plus suppressor.  The whole package is over $10k.  Even with FoldAR, I would probably just get the upper: https://foldar.com/product/foldar-mobetta-complete-upper/  With the lower, I'd set it up my way.

Are there less expensive scope options?  Yes, certainly, although that depends on what you want to do.   With any of these, I really like to have a backup sighting system of some sort.  Something like SwampFox Kraken, for example, would work https://bit.ly/3GnZmqs

If you are not terribly pre-occupied with low light (i.e. if you have a thermal scope or clip-on) a modern LPVO is pretty damn close to a "do all" optic.  I'd lean toward one of the options that has side focus.  That's either March 1-10x24 https://bit.ly/486i95y or Delta Stryker 1-10x28.  Since we are getting into the somewhat more affordable possibilities, Delta for $1700 is extremely compelling https://annexdefense.com/delta-stryker-hd-1-10x28-rifle-scope-do-2517-1-10/ 

Delta 3.5-21x44 is one of the better options if you do not need 1x.  This one is right around $1600.  https://annexdefense.com/delta-stryker-hd-3-5-21x44-rifle-scope/

These two Delta scopes are really carving a niche for themselves in the $1500 range.  Tract's Toric 4-25x50 is similar money, but at almost 40 ounces, I think it is intended for different applications.  With crossovers use, for the time being, I think the Deltas ahve it.

Vortex PST Gen2 3-15x44 does a little bit of everything for a lot less money.  https://bit.ly/489K8kZ Same for Tract Toric 2.5-15x44.  PST Gen2 has wider apparent FOV, so it has almost he same real FOV on 3x, as Tract has on 2.5x. 

The two above are right under $1k.  Going much further down than that gets pretty iffy, because compromizes keep piling up.  I am going to have to go out on a limb and assume that if you are shopping for a day scope well under $1k, thermals are probably not in your budget.  In that case, we can look at some fixed power scopes and see if losing variable magnification is a viable compromise.

If you want to stay with a variable scope, Athlon Helos BTR Gen2 2-12x42 is about the right size and seems to be a well built scope.  The reticle is not hugely conducive to long range, but it works.  It works nicely with clip-ons though.

If you want to go with fixed power, Element Immersive 5x30 prismatics give you pretty high end image quality for less money.  The compromize is that you a can have any magnification you want as long as it is 5x.  Now that I have had that scope for a while, I have to admit that I can stretch it to longer distances than I anticipated.  800 yards plates are perfectly viable in good light.  600 yards is pretty comfortable most of the time.  That means I can probably aim at a deer out to 300 yards or so.  That sorta makes sense since I shot an elk at a hair over 300 yards a couple of years ago.  The scope was a 1.5-8x32.  That same shot would have been perfectly comfortable with a fixed 5x. 

Perhaps, a good way to approach this is to think whether all of the optics I mention would work well with an AR-15 in 6.5Grendel.  It so happens I have tried that exact setup with good success.  How about with a bolt gun in 8.6 Blackout?  The answer is, again, yes.  How about my hypothertical 8.6Blackout semi-auto with a 12" barrel?  Probably, except with longer scopes, you might not have much room to add a clip-on.  

One question that comes up year after year is why I am loathe to consider large frame ARs chambered for 308Win or something similar.  I have made a few experiments and decided that if I get the gun light enough, recoil control gets iffy and the gun fights me too much.  8.6Blackout is a pretty mild cartridge, so I am going to experiment with it and see if my general concerns with large frame ARs can be alleviated.

As I was deliberating through all of this, I decided to set up a different scenario.  This one deviates a bit from the "only one" idea somewhat, but it is still a useful exercise.

Let's say, the Democrats manage to push through a law that limits how many guns you can have.  Somehow.  Let's say you can have a grand total of four firearms.  How would your choices be then?  That will be in the next installment of this thought exercise.  Give it a little thought until then.

community logo
Join the DarkLordOfOptics Community
To read more articles like this, sign up and join my community today
10
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
Articles
Del Norte Black Rifle Match Drone Footage:" Stage 1

Here is what Stage 1 looked like. This was the only stage where I timed out, largely because I fumbled on a mag reload and struggled with a trigger a bit on longer distance offhand shooting. That was a shame because otherwise this was a stage where I could do decently.

The gentleman in the video is Parker Tomasi. He is the owner of a local shooting facility and event center called Legacy Ranch. I think he had the high score on this stage.
https://lrshooting.com/
Parker is a retired Marine Corp officer (Major, I think), a very good shooter and a genuinely pleasant human being. He was in my squad at this match last year.

Drone footage is courtesy of Montana Blaze
https://www.instagram.com/montana.blaze/

00:01:54
Del Norte Black Rifle Match Drone footage

There was a gentleman with FPV drone getting some footage of every stage.
To my surprise, he just sent the videos out to everyone who shot the match.
Here is me lumbering my way through Stage 2. I'll look through other videos as time allows and upload a few more from other stages with more competent shooters.

Funny thing is that while I knew the drone guy was around, I have no recollection of him flying the drone while I was shooting. Even this minimal amount of stress induces some measure of tunnel vision.

00:02:30
2026 Del Norte Black Rifle Match Video

Here is the video of the stages we shot. There are two clips for Stage 8. These were a bit tricky to record without a drone, the way the 180 deg zones worked out.

00:09:47
October 26, 2026

Good deal now for the PA 1.5-12x. $1700 with $300 Bonus Bucks.
https://alnk.to/4MFO2Oc mrad version
https://alnk.to/fSly11C BDC version

Structured Barrel AR: More Changes

Well... since 2027 NRL Hunter season is not looking great, I gave up and stopped trying to shoehorn my large frame structured barrel gasser into the 16lbs weight limit.

That produced some very positive results, because now I've got a Tangent 5-25x56 on it and all is right with the world.

While I was at it, I also got the new Element Seeker WMLRF on there which is really growing on me. Getting it sighted in took a grand total of eight minutes and it seems to be staying sighted in through multiple removals from the rail. So far so good. In terms of bang for the buck, Element has a lot to offer and the user interface is easily one of the better ones I have seen on a WMLRF to date.

I tried to adjust the gas system on my structured barrel and managed to completely strip one of the set screws. It is no longer a fully tunable gas block, so I went and swapped out the suppressor to a 30cal model which results in a bit less backpressure than a dedicated 6.5 can I had on there before.

It is ...

Red Dot Sights from Colt

AUSA is the yearly exhibit put on by the Association of the US Army (hence the abbreviation). I stop by for a day or two most years for my dayjob. It is a good place to get an idea of where the trends are going. While everyone talks about drones, counter-drone systems, less idiotically expensive interceptors and other relatively esoteric subjects, there is, as yet, no good replacement for a guy with a gun. That gun has an optic on it.
For a little while, US military was convinced that every rifle and carbine in service is supposed to have an LPVO on it. That is not a bad idea in the grand scheme of things, but an LPVO adds weight and complexity that not every soldier can easily put up with. It is a good idea for SF and other relatively specialized units, but every cook, truck driver and electronics repair technician in the military can get by with a simpler optic.
Simpler optic, in this case, means a red dot sight. Modern red dot sights are capable, relatively affordable and have exceptionally long ...

2026 Del Norte Black Rifle Match

Yesterday was the annual charity match at Del Norte range an hour or so from Albuquerque.  We had fairly ridiculous amounts of water falling from the sky in the last few days and all the unpaves roads leading to the range did not take it well.  Still, it stopped rainign for a day so that we could go shoot.

This is a one gun match where you shoot some combination of paper and steel.  Steel plates are a bit further out.  Paper is all close in.  You are scored based on hits and how fast you run the stage.  I am old, fat and slow, so I am terrible at this, but the match is a lot of fun.

It does not help that I have been so focused on precision last couple of years that I have somewhat neglected the fast stuff.  I should really fix that.  There are some two gun matches at Legacy Ranch (an hour in the other direction from Albuquerque) on a fairly regular basis that I should try for practice.

This year, for shits and giggles, I decided to shoot it with an AK-74 which slowed me down even further, but it was definitely fun.

Last year's match was themed after John Wick movies.  This year, it was a Chuck Norris theme.

While some of the shooters are out to win, since it is a charity match, the atmosphere is very laid back and people do funny things here and there.

For example, one gentleman in my squad dressed as a tactical wizard (I think):

Tactical wizard next to a kilt wearing RO was, I thought, a nice scene.

He had a suppressor enclosed by a Monster can on his AR.  The whole thing was a hoot.

Another gentleman insisted on running stages with the bayonet attached to his AR.  One one of the paper targets that was really close, the ROs let hime bayonet it instead of shooting it.  It was a ncie A-Zone stab.

The carbine I brought for this was an AK74 from Palmetto State Armory https://alnk.to/bEnbIaI with AKML handguard from TDI Arms, DFCO grip, Zhukov stock and Primary Arms PLxC SFP 1-8x24 scope in an RS Regulate mount.  If you are looking for a nucelar bright SFP LPVO with a fiber dot, I will go on the record that at current discounted price, this is the best deal I have seen in a while https://alnk.to/88424vv

As shown, this rifle clocked in at 9.3lbs.  It is definitely not a lightweight, but it was not too heavy either.  I put it through several experiments with different stocks and pic rail dust covers that did not work out well enough for my purposes.  MOst annoyingly, the 1913 stock adaptor kept on getting loose, so I finally slapped Magpul's Zhukov stock on it and went back to the normal AK side mount for the scope.  It is not as slick as I wanted it, but it works.  Another experiment that failed was with getting a suppressor on it.  On this AK-74, the muzzle device is threade donto the side block.  It is not straight enough for a suppressor.  I was getting baffle strikes on a 6mm can.  I coule try a growwly oversized can, I suppose, but I decided to leave it along and put the original muzzle device on.  I still maintain that all guns should be suppressed, but they are not all designed to be suppressed.

In principle, if I wanted to shoot more matches, a longer handguard would go a long way toward helping me drive the gun, but I intentionally decided to run everything as if it has an 11" barrel and a correspondingly short handguard.  I think that muscle memory will translate optimally between different platforms I have.

I will be the first to admit that I may have overscoped this AK a little bit, but on the other hand, given that the scope is pretty light, I do not really see a problem.  At this match, the furthest plates were about 300 yards out, so I appreciated being able to zoom in a little, while on 1x with that bright fiber dot, this scope is fast.

For an AK, this gun has a decent ALG trigger, but having spent the last couple  of years with precision rifles and match triggers, it gave me fits.  It was also very hard to get myself out of the "precision" mode.  I could definitely go faster if my head was not getting in the way.  I think I will do some work on that in the next few weeks.  In the grand scheme of things, 5.56 plining ammo is now cheaper than 5.45x39, but I think I should practice this with different platforms.  I still have some AK specific muscle memory, but I was definitely rusty.

With Wolf 60gr Military Classic ammo launching at 2750fps (with 18fps StDev) the rifle shot groups in the 2MOA to 2.5MOA range standing tripod (I almost never shoot off of a bench any more, so I popped a bag on a tripod and shot off of that) which is plenty good enough for this type of a match.  Intrinsic accuracy of the gun did not get in my way.  However, managing the long spongy trigger pull for longer shots and for offhand shots was a little tricky.  Still, it is my own fault that I neglected practicing with my AKs.  

The match was originally supposed to be eight stages.   I was in quad six, so we shot 6, 7, 8, 1, 2 and 3 before we had to stop.  I have a couple of videos that I am going to look through, stitch together and post.

Just as we were about to shoot stage 4, everyone was told to stop and the range went cold.  Apparently, one of the ROs on a different stage was clearing his handgun (ROs were allowed to have handguns) and shot himself in the hand.  I did not witness it, but that is what I was told.  He was taken to the hospital and seems to be doing OK.  However, our day was done.

It is an unfortunate accident and it sounds like it was self-inflicted.  One of the board memebers from the range went and visited him in the hopsital.  He will need surgery.  Someone also mentioned that this is the second time this gentleman shot himself.  I am not sure what to make of that.  I do not know him personally.  We'll see if there are any further repercussions for the range or for the event moving forward.

There was also a night event (for stages shot with night vision), but I could not participate in that one due to various family obligations.  We are in the middle of a Jewish hoiday of sukkot and my wife already made plans for it.

Watching people bring different guns to this match was very interesting.  Some used ARs on longer stages and a PCC on close range stuff.  It never occurred to me to have multiple guns with me.  One gentleman had what looked like a suppressed PS90 SBR.  A couple of peopl had AKs.  I saw a CZ Scorpion and a B&T SBC9.  I am sure there were a few other unusual choices there, but most people were shooting AR-15s of all sorts.

I have some time to figure out what I will bring next year, but a P320 in a Flux Raider chassis could be an interesting option.

 

 

 

 

Read full Article
On rash opinions, good questions, bad choices and the art of compromising
and a little bit about Primary Arms PLxC 2.5-20x48 and Vortex Razor Gen3 4-24x44

It has been raining cats and dogs here which is very unusual for Albuquerque and also very welcome.  

Between travel, weather, Jewish holidays and a new virus the kids brought from school, I have not managed to spend any real time at the range.  That is unfortunate since I have a long queue of stuff to test.

All that sitting in various airport lounges did give me a chance to browse through a couple of forums. That is a mix of amusing, educational and disheartening in roughly equal measures.

One thing that drives me up the wall is when someone makes an ironclad absolutist assessment based on a single experience or a single piece of data without applying any critical thinking to either.  Now, we all have our prejudices, but sometimes it is a good idea to step back from those and recalibrate.

For example, there is a guy on the Hide currently sticking his negative opinion on Leica in every other post based on a bad customer service experience with his older Geovid 3200.com  

I have no idea what happened with his Leica interaction, but the way he describes it sounds a bit fishy. It also does not help that I know who that guy is and take it with a little grain of salt a priori.  There might have been some poetic freedoms taken with his account of events.  On the other hand, it is entirely possible that he called Leica CS and pissed someone off there within the first three sentences with his attitude.  Some years ago, he used to say all sorts of interesting things that he later claimed were influenced by late night and alcohol (he had many interesting things to say about me when he learned that I am Jewish and an immigrant and was stupid enough to say it to people who showed me the screenshots).  Be that as it may, even if he was a royal d!ck to the CS people at Leica, they still should have taken care of him and even if he had a bad experience he should still have enough perspective to understand that there is a reason Leica has been in business this long.

Yet, that is not how the world works.  

On a different topic, Leica Geovid MAX is en route, so I'll have some impressions soon.

That diversion aside, I have seen a good number of threads recently where people were looking for crossover scopes, without quite using the term and unsure how to select one.

I figured I'll use the example of two riflescopes I am looking at currently and offer a few different scenarios of why I would choose one over the other in some situations, but not in others.  This goes far beyond a simple: the glass is better here vs there.

Let's start with the spec table.  The two scopes in question are in the second and third columns:

Vortex Razor Gen3 4-24x44 and Primary Arms PLxC 2.5-20x48.

They are within a couple of ounces of each in terms of weight.

PLxC is an inch shorter.

PLxC has a slightly larger objective.

Razor has significantly more elevation adjustment.

Both have 10mrad per turn adjustment.

Here is a question for you: which one has wider field of view?  That is not a trick question, yet the answer depends on how you define it.

If you are talking about FOV on the same magnification, Razor Gen3 is wider (larger Apparent FOV). 

If you are talking about real FOV on the lowest magnification, then PLxC is a good bit wider since it goes down to 2.5x vs the Vortex' 4x.

Here is a different way to tabulate it:

   Real FOV, ft @ 100ydsReal FOV, degApparent FOV, deg
Primary Arms PLxC
2.5-20x48
low2.546.78.822.1
high205.81.122.2
Vortex Razor Gen 3 4-24x44low430.95.923.5
high245.31.024.3

On the same magnification, Razor Gen3 has about 9.5% wider real and apparent FOV.

However, on the lowest magnification, PLxC has  49% wider real FOV.

In which situations is one preferable to the other?

Vortex Razor Gen3 4-24x44 and Primary Arms PLxC 2.5-20x48

Only for Supporters
To read the rest of this article and access other paid content, you must be a supporter
Read full Article
Yom Kippur for a Secular Soviet Jew
Still Here

This may be a little off topic for a “Guns & Optics” website, but I figured you’ll forgive me a few occasional small diversions.  Yom Kippur begins at sundown tonight on September 20, 2026.  It is the Day of Atonement, the most somber day in the Jewish year.  I am not an especially observant Jew.  I grew up in the Soviet Union.  I do not keep a full traditional calendar, and I am not going to pretend otherwise.  I pay attention to a few of the major holidays, but do not make a big deal out of most of them.    

Yom Kippur still matters to me though.  For a long time I could not quite say why since it always looked a little hypocritical.  Left to my own devices, I avoid going to the temple like the plague.  I do not follow most of the ritual parts of Judaism (I definitely do not keep kosher).  Yet, the Day of Atonement matters.  Here is the closest I can get to understanding why.

Yom Kippur is a yearly act of defiance against any power that thinks it sits at the top of the pyramid.  It is a reminder that we get to return to what we are, no matter what the insanity of the year behind us made us do.  The tyrants I grew up under are mostly gone (some have changed business cards, but they are not the same as what they were).  We are still here and only G-d is above us.

What most know about Yom Kippur is the ritual.  Twenty-five hours. No food, no drink, no work if you are keeping it that way.  White clothes.  Long prayers if you go to the temple. A shofar blast when it ends.

Yom means Day.  The meaning of the word kippur is about covering, ransoming, wiping clean.  In the Bible the high priest walked into the holiest Temple sanctuary once a year, offered one goat to God, and sent another into the wilderness with the people’s sins named over it.  The house had to be cleaned so Presence could stay in the middle of a people who make a mess.

The physical Temple is gone. The day is not.

There is an old Talmudic story where Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai was smuggled out of Jerusalem besieged by the Romans around 70 CE.  He greets Roman general Vespasian outside Jerusalem and predicts that he will become emperor.  Vespasian grants him one favor.  Ben Zakkai asks him “Give me Yavneh and its sages”.  He essentially asked him for a small town and the right to teach.  That became the center of Jewish learning after the Temple was destroyed. The building was gone. Study, prayer, and return were not. No army can burn that down.

For two thousand years after that Yom Kippur has been inward and interpersonal: return, confession, prayer, charity — and the rule that God does not clear what you still owe another human being.

You do not need to be observant to feel the weight of that. You only need to have lived through a year and have the dedication to stop for a day and reflect.

Why a secular Soviet Jew would still care

The Soviet state had a very simple take on the human being. You and everything around you belonged to the Communist Party.  There was no law superior to the regime.  Religion was either backwardness or a security problem.  Jewishness was an entry in your papers and the limit of what you were allowed to do or to be in the Soviet Union: a reason you did not get the job, a university placement or the exit visa.  In the Soviet Union, your ethnicity (Jewish is both religion and ethnicity) was recorded in your identification document.

Yom Kippur refuses the premise of the primacy of the state.

Not with a manifesto, but with a day that does not belong to their calendar.  With a fast the state did not schedule. With the old idea, older than Moscow or Rome or DC, that only God is above us.  Commissars are not.  General secretaries are not.  Whatever the current thing happens to be is not.

I am not religious enough to want to try to unpack “only God is above us” in any sort of a doctrinal sense.  It is still the most accurate sentence I have for this idea that we are all made in G-d’s image and no human is above the other.  There is a limit to what any government, any psychotic year, any burst of collective insanity is allowed to make of you.

The USSR wanted all of us to be state property, yet merely remaining a Jew was already a kind of insubordination.  They did not care about anyone’s individual piety.  That 5th line in the passport was not theological: you were Yevrei (Russian version of Hebrew) whether you kept Shabbat or not.  The state could punish us for that, but it could not quite extinguish what we are.  Tyrannies are not very good at planning for eternity.

In a very strange way, for me, Yom Kippur, in part, is the annual discovery that all the empires of history who promised to outlast us are all gone, yet we are still here.

Return, not performance

The Hebrew word everyone translates as repentance is teshuvah. The root is return.

A year of ordinary life asks you to become a lot of things you did not choose.  Some of that is ordinary adult compromise.  Some of it is moral cowardice.  Some of it is what you do to get through a system that wants everything from you: your speech, your hopes, your dreams, your life, and eventually your children.

Yom Kippur is the moment when you get to shake that year off and return to what you were.

It is not a conversation you have with another human.  Walking back toward what you are when the noise drops: a Jew, a free person, someone whose first loyalty is not to the last demand made on him is a conversation you get to have with G-d and with yourself once a year.  

Maimonides, who would not have been terribly impressed by my marginally existent piety, still defined the work in terms a secular person can use.  Name the act. Feel its weight. Say it. Resolve hard enough that you would be embarrassed to repeat it next Tuesday.  If another person has a name attached to the damage, start there.  Yom Kippur does not atone for what is between you and another person.  It is between you and G-d.

The Soviets were excellent at public confession that was just a performance.  We live in a culture inundated by peformative self-flagellation and that is fluent in other people’s sins and blind to its own.  Modern technology brought us social media that was a boon to both voyeurs and exhibitionists.   This day is the opposite of both.

Most of the people on here are not Jewish.  I assume most of you are either Christian or secular or somewhere in between.   A lot of you are secular in the ordinary American way, which is different from the Soviet way.  Here, you can be secular without buying into the religion of secularism, that is a luxury that was not afforded to us.

Whether Christian or secular, you do not need a metaphysics seminar and you most definitely do not need it from me.  Still, my point here is that once a year, it is not a bad thing to take all the dulling life anesthetics off the table: food, work, social media feed, performance and ask what the year turned you into.  Then ask what you are when that is all stripped off.  Then go figure out how to get back to what you are or what G-d wants you to be rather than what this past year made you.

The traditional greeting in these days is not “Happy Yom Kippur.” It is gmar chatima tova: a good final sealing.

That is probably why I keep this day, why I fast and turn all my electronic gadgets off. Not because I am pretending to be a model Jew.  Because I am still here, and because I refuse to let a year or a state or the feverish pace of life have the last word on what that means.

Gmar chatima tova.

Read full Article
Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals